Husband and Wife - finding the right mix

I first met Dave at 17 just as I was starting university while I was working as a waitress in Cape Town. I found out later that he thought I was his dream woman – but he was so busy dating and having fun, and thinking (knowing) I was very innocent, and 8 years my senior, that at that stage he thought it best to leave it.

5 years later I met him by chance at a little obscure bar in Cape Town. He remembered me, I didn’t know who he was, except that he was gorgeous!

He obviously convinced me of something because we moved in together the next day, and we’ve been together for 10 years now.

In those 10 years we have moved 11 times, 3 times in Cape Town, once to Durban, then internationally to the UK where we moved 4 times and had 3 kids, then again internationally to Canada, where we are now moving again to our own house.. YAY!!

God is giving us a house – no more renting, and half the deposit down thanks to what I trust is His will. My dad is moving into the walkout basement with us and put up half the sale price, and the kids are delighted, and we are hoping granny will join us very soon.

We work it like this:
God
Understanding His place as the mainstay of our lives and trusting Him in everything

Communication
Making sure we understand each other, and not contradicting each other in public or in front of the kids

Support
Supporting each other in all things and through prayer, and never maligning each other to work mates, colleagues or friends, but rather boosting each other. It has a knock on effect which is great.

Loving
‘Good morning!’ and ‘how are you’ and ‘how was your day?’ hugs and kisses work wonders.

Listening
Actually listening and hearing what the other has to say without a ready made answer in place.

Doing Stuff
Doing our stuff together when the kids are down, and doing kid stuff together on the weekends, with church on Saturday nights.

Sharing
Passing along insights – biblical or just daily – and chatting about them.

Avoiding defence and attack mode
Very tricky sometimes – so we take a ‘time-out’ if we need to gather our thoughts and the communicate our feelings.

This is working so far. We have our ups and downs, but we are best friends, and God willing, that will last for many, many years!

Husbands read this: The The Husband's Responsibility
Wives and mothers read this and the bottom links Roles of the Husband and Wife (hubbies too if you will!)

Kids exposure to TV and the Internet

Well, I guess Dave and I are pretty ‘conservative’ in what we let them watch…Bear in mind we’re Christian parents who actually try to practice the Word, so you know we don’t let them watch the ‘Halloween’, ‘Ghost’, ‘Witchcraft’ shows on even the popular shows like the Backyardigans and the Wiggels or Dora, all of which I think are in general great innocent ‘educational’ entertainment for under 5s.

No TV? Probably the best way to go if you have things for them to do and the support to give them which I didn’t, or being a non-pioneer and raised as a member of generation X didn’t realize I needed to tap into until too late. And while its not too late now, I apply our attitude now…

Anyway – little kids realize a lot more than they are given credit for (my opinion). I remember when Nathan was 5 months old he suddenly started sleeping badly and had ‘bad dreams’. I couldn’t figure it out until my mom said to me; ‘Did you watch the Twin tower bombings and the aftermath?’…

I felt dreadful… trying to shield my child from the world, I had totally forgotten that day when I had accidentally switched the TV to Sky news and watched the whole thing unfolding live – with my baby Nathan on his blankie on the floor with his little eyes watching the horror of exploding buildings and people screaming and stressing on TV.

My thoughts for this blog are what I do usually. Little kid programs. Not Spiderman movies or Superman movies or whatever, but the animation of Moses, and stories of how and why Jesus died. He is so much stronger than pretend Super Hero’s.

Why is it so hard to explain that… it isn’t really if you try.. raising little children from death, healing people with horrid diseases, making sure mom’s and dad’s had food everyday when there was none… the Bible is full of amazing stuff – none more than the fact that Our Super Hero Son of God! Died…

A terrible death, in our place, as our sacrifice for ourselves for the sin we commit until we turn to Him… WOW!!! Pretty strong stuff for big people, and its great for the little guys too! And they understand it more than we do…

You know, I think my kids are OK by the Grace of God, and we have to deal with other kids at the day care stories about what they watched on TV – I mean Buffy the Vampire Slater re-runs for 5 year olds??? Get a grip people…

And so we are ourselves and chat about what they chatted with their friends about as I am paying for THREE day care places at a whacking great amount a month I get some say in what videos are shown after school and am starting to supply my own, like Moses, and the Rescuers and INNOCENT stuff for innocent KIDS.

SO watch what your kids watch, preferably in the case of movies BEFORE they do and make sure its OK.

Little minds are like very superior computers.. what they take in they will process and keep. YOU are a small part of their filing system admin. Don’t let stuff in to them while you can that will harm them…and THINK people…when YOU were 3 or 4 or 5, how would YOU have dealt with the scary stuff on TV and in the big screen movies… no seriously.. you remember that crap that frightened you? Well that was way less hectic and realistic as THIS stuff….

What do you want YOUR kid to dream about at night and remember as a terror when he or she gets older, and how can you Prevent it… Be responsible…

And God bless…

Breastfeeding Tips

I loved breastfeeding. I fed Nathan, and I fed the babies.

In fact the nurses at Colchester hospital were amazed that I chose to feed them myself. What great nurses they were, even in that dreaful heat wave in August 2003, they were great. Someone even stole a fan for me from somewhere becasue Josh got heat rash - poor lil' guy.

Anyway, as I said, I loved breastfeeding, but it's not always easy to get started, and then its not so easy to keep going... and THEN it becomes a pleasure.

First, once you have made the decision to breastfeed (and I stand by breast-is-best), you may need to get some help initially to get your little one to attach himself or herself right. In most cases they get it right pretty quickly. Sometimes they need a bit of persuasion. Ask the mid-wife or nurse for help in getting both of you (you and your new little person) into action.

It is a get way to just snuggle and get loads of precious moments with your baby. So buy yourself at least 3 feeding bras, and a feeding nightie and shirts - or a few shirts with buttons you can undo and do up easily with one hand.

Second, just after you have mastered breastfeeding, you are going to wish you hadn;t because your nipples are going to get very sore. They will probably crack, and they may very well bleed. I had a friend who (bless her) gritted her way through a very painful brestfeeding adjustment, during which time her little one finished a good suck and promptly threw up blood everywhere - not the babies - though my friend had a few DREADFUL moments - hers.

What can you do about it? Very little, actually just expelling and rubbing a little breastmilk on the nipples is the best thing for them. But it may take up to 2 weeks of pretty white-knuckle feeds (which you may come to dread, and if you're like me, you will cry).

BUT after that, breastfeeding is an absolute joy. I am SO glad I stuck with it. You know when I had Nathan I remember thinking in between pushes that if I chewed my arm off it would be less painful. Breastfeeding is also pretty harsh new mums to be, but the end result is almost as great.

Oh, and for a mini-rant... OK, yes I agree with being disctrete about breastfeeding in public, but if anyone had ever told me NOT to breastfeed in public I would have bopped them one... well no I wouldn't but GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. There are very few things as natural in this world as breastfeeding your child.

And enjoy it.

Third, I loved breastfeeding all 3 of them. Nathan weened himself at 9 months, and Josh and Abby were goping strong at 2, so I moved them onto bottles, which I have only recently taken them off of (July this year, so one month short of their 3rd birthday). Now weeing is also pretty painful, but for an entriely diffferent reason. Your body hasn;t realised yet that it is requied to produce milk anymore, so your boobs are going to fill up... and fill up, and get lumpy and engorged...so EXPRESS people. You need to express and you need to 'cool' them down. This willmake sense when you get there.

The thing that worked for me, and I tried just about everything I could - I was producing milk for two 2 year olds - I SERIOUSLY need some help, were cold cabbage leaves.

You buy a big cabbage and you keep it in the fridge, and you just pop a cold raw cabbage leaf over your hot, sore boob - Ta-dah! instant relief... though not for too long. So keep replacing the leaves, and try to slow down on the expressing (don't want that bod of yours to think - 'Ahah! Wait! someone DOES want milk!'... and right back into production).

Some people advocate going right from breast to tippee-up cup. Well, mine were used to going to sleep with a suckle, so I decided they were going to be little for only a bit longer, and they could jolly well have a bottle to go sleep with (and as you all know from previous posts, I stay with them until they are asleep) so no dangers there.... Their teeth are fine - not out of place, no fillings, no nothing wrong - so there!

I am going to put in a small disclaimer here. This little blog of mine is a diary-stroke-experience based log of what I did, what worked for me, and in cases where things didn't work, what they were and what I did to change them. I am NOT saying that my way of doing things is right. I am in most cases describing and backing up what I did and do, how, why sometimes, and what the result was... OK? good...

It's a Matter of Trust

I was outside today and I was wearing Dave’s leather jacket and I happened to realise I had his wallet, and I said outloud ‘oops, beter get this back to him!.

A woman said to me, ‘Your husband trusts you with his WALLET?’

Well you know, that made me think:

- I trust my husband with my LIFE
- I trust my husband with our children's LIVES
- we trust him with our daily livlihood and relationship with God - which sometimes needs work on all fronts, but we're trying

and someone was actually in the position to ask me if he would trust me with his wallet?

Why? It's so sad that so many people in relationships have so little respect for each other. That they down-talk their partner to their friends. That they don't trust them. That they acually look to hollywood stars with multiple past 'babes' or 'guys' as being 'cool'. Values have changed so much, and I blame alot of it on the media's acceptance of the lurid, often perverted, promiscuous and 'tolerant' life-styles of many of the 'rich and famous'..

Well I'm just not that tolerant I guess - and I DO trust my husband, and he trusts me. SO I'm happy, and I can't imagine living in a constant state of doubt - that must be awful....

Pregnancy Joys and Blues

Nathan was unplanned, and a great joy to us when we found out about the impending birth. For some reason I had though I couldn't have kids - no medical POV, a feeling. I had had an ectopic pregnancy, and almost lost my right tube, and just kind of assumed it would be really hard for me to conceive.. as time would tell I was a tad wrong!

I LOVED being pregnant with Nathan.
No morning sickness, which I have seen in others and is a total nightmare. NO weird pregnancy craving (there are more informative pregnancy craving articles out there, I just find this particularly funny... THOUGH I did have one evening where what I wanted - and incidentally and somewhat embarrassingly in the telling I ate - was canned tuna fish, with pickles, a spoon of bovril, grated cheese and tomato sauce. Dave couldn't come near me for 2 days... not all together a bad thing - I love you honey!)

Then 6 days before he was born I got an Orange craving. I think I must have eaten around 6-7 oranges a day for the last week before he was born. And afterwards, I couldn’t go NEAR an orange for about 14 months - I have always liked oranges.. there you go.. so you know - YOUR cravings are relatively normal in the face of charcoal, laundry detergent, weird fish and pickles and fruit cravings and the like. Your body will tell you what it wants whether you like it or not - just be sensible in how you deal with it. Oh, and folic acid is STILL pretty important so get a supplement if you can.

I carried well, I had him - child birth will be another PAINFUL yet necessary - for me at least ;-) topic.

No worries...


Then I had Abby and Josh. And I am so blessed...

By 3 months I was a big as I ever got with Nathan. Then I just got bigger - and I don't mean fat. I had mild morning sickness - nothing hectic, and actually only in my size 10 pants that I'd slimmed down for the festive season.

In all honesty, I was wearing them and not feeling too great on Dec 25th 2002 at my brother in laws place. On the morning of dec 26th, I couldn't do them up by half an inch... I had gone to bed early, hardly eaten a thing and wondered what it could be.

My infinitely intelligent, empathetic and caring sister in law – Casey - pulled me to one side as I came out of the loo looking a bit green (she has 3 kids herself) and said in a kind/sad/happy/wondering/whatcha-thinking way.. 'You DO know you're pregnant Lau?' ... and suddenly things made sense.

SO we tootled off to the doctor for a check up and ultra-sound, and she stared at the monitor with a very serious face.

.. by this stage we had had 2 ectopics - 1 before Nathan and one after him when I lost my right tube, so I prepared myself for the worst and started getting all teary. Dave was VERY manly and my angel of support and held my hand and stroked my head. He said to her, 'so is this going to require another operation?' and she said, 'please hold on, I will give you my findings in a few minutes.'

I think if Dave had had it in him to wring the truth out of her he would - well he did and does, but I was hanging onto him too tight..

Finally she looked at us, she frowned, and then she said... 'are you prepared for a multiple-birth, you have twins.'

Well Dave sat down. I went totally blank, and then I heard a shaky whisper from Dave, 'I'm here, honey... I just don't know what to do.' If I hadn’t been lying down I may have ended up on the floor - we had seen a woman with twins on our way to the ultrasound and VERY jokingly laughed about how on EARTH people could cope with more than one baby at a time.... ah, well.... there you go - but look what I GOT!!! 2 OF THE MOST PRECIOUS LITTLE THINGS.

... I advance to fast... for those of you expecting small ones in more than a package of one - your hips WILL give out, so if you go shopping or anywhere for prolonged periods, either lean on a trolley or take a walking stick - seriously. You may or may not fit into normal public bathrooms, so start getting used to going to the disabled loos now - you will need them when you are out shopping with twins and you need to do a nappy change and have to take the trolley in with you - which you will.

... expect people to start peering at you and looking at you with alarm as though you are about to pop any minute - you might

-- don't EVER allow yourself to make to mortal error of accidentally dropping your Evian water bottle on the floor at Starbucks, as you WILL panic the patrons - the staff are great

... oh, so much to tell.. ask away in comments and I will be happy to answer, and will add to these posts as I go - if there's interest... of course I will anyway for me and d and the kids - this is like THE easiest way to keep a diary that won’t get flushed down the loo, used as an experiment in pyrotechnics, or just tossed out in the frantic attempt at house cleaning I do - Dave hates it - I keep throwing vital things away... I'm working on it....

Twins - what ticks parents and the small people off

OK, so mostly the parents get a little upset, but only when they realize, which can up to 2 years...

What am I talking about?
1. the twins birthdays - they get a JOINT birthday card and present

Anyone who has had kids or BEEN a kid should know that YOUR birthday is YOUR birthday. You want your OWN present to play with - especially if sharing is not something you are too keen to do yet, or even understand. Moms and Dads may be prepping separate albums for their little ones - what do you do - cut the card in half? If you had a brother or sister born on the same day a few years older or younger, would YOU want to share your birthday card or present? Would you have the same likes and dislikes and maybe secretly wish for the SAME thing as he or she does... I doubt it.

Twins are TWO SEPARATE INDIVIDUALS, who happen to share a mom and dad and a birthday. Don't diminish their individuality. And make sure your loved ones know this - it is probably something they won't even think about. And if money is an issue, then send 2 nice, DIFFERENT individual hand written cards with tinker toys for each one, but not a joint present - especially not for under... well just never.

2. ALL other festivals where presents are involved - Christmas, Thanksgiving, Family Day, whatever.

As above.

3. Constantly referring to them as 'THE TWINS'

Yes, they have the blessing of having a close sibling who will likely share their lives more than most of us are able to understand - but this is something they may only realise when they are far, far older. Rather call them 'babies', 'kids' or preferably by name. I called my 2 precious additions to the family 'the babies' as I already had my lovely big boy, and it was an easy form of abbreviation when explaining things about the twins to him in our every day chatter. It was Ok too, as lots of his little friends had new, relatively new or just about to be new 'babies' in their lives, but NOBODY had twins.

Calling them the 'twins' can do a number of things to their (the twins) self-perception:
- it can diminish their sense of individuality
- it can make them feel unrecognised
- it can instill a sense of difference to other kids,
... or a sense of superiority
... or a sense of inferiority
- if you have other little kids, it can make these older precious ones feel isolated, less important, they are one, and these have a group name already - a new word, they are the 'twins'. What am I? Am I special?
- if you have other kids AFTER the multiple birth, the twins may feel 'less loved' even more than an older single, it can heighten their sense of difference when you refer to my baby and 'the twins'.. do you see where I'm going?

They're KIDS, and kids take things and interpret them very often in a way that was totally unintended by the perpetrating and relatively innocent adult

My big issue is to limit any complications to the child's perception of his or her own self worth, as well as to limit any sense of isolation or rejection.

God thought for the Day
Ephesians 6:4
You fathers, don't provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

While we must teach them what is right from wrong, we must not abuse that position, not must we ignore their reasonable requests.

Listen to your kids. Trust them. Guide them. Let them be who they are within the boundaries you set - which must be reasonable and fair to them too.

If you can manage to guide them in what is right in the eyes of the Lord* and manage your discipline and love and guidance according to his precepts, and ask Him to guide you in all things, and pray for your kids and bless them constantly, and give them to HIM, your kids should end up being great, Godly, righteous, courageous, independent, strong, disciplines and responsible members of today’s rather scary world - which is what they will need to be to survive, and what the world needs to stay sane.

*So what do I believe to be right in the eyes of the Lord:
- Jesus did not come to do away with the Old Testament, He came to fulfill it, but every word written will stand to the end of time

- If you take that in conjunction with what Jesus said about righteous living, and in His sacrifice, in general I believe the answer to this lies in :

1) Following the 10 commandments:
and
2) Following Jesus commands :
Matthew 22:37-40 '37 Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

Bed-time blues

OK - so I made my own bed and now I have to lie in it - I know...

When Nathan was 2, we finally moved him into his own room as I was pregnant with the twins, and assuming (in total and utter blind ignorance) that it would simply be like having 2 little Nathan's I reckoned I could cope with them in the master bedroom with Dave until they were old enough to move out (as in around 4-6 months).

Many of you will rightly disagree with this, but while my little ones are now as well behaved as one could hope for their ages, I was personally never one to 'just let them cry'. I did try it with Nathan, but my heart just broke. I know I am not supposed to over-empathize, or over-relate or whatever they call it, but seriously, I'm the child's mother, and if I don't, who will? And they were very little, and perhaps we did the wrong thing, but apart from long evenings of sitting with them until they go to sleep (most nights around 1-1.5 hours with the little ones now) - Nathan goes to sleep at around 7:30 to 8:00 every night on his own in his own room quite happy.

ANYWAY, its now well after 8 tonight, and Josh is having a good old moan, but for ONCE I told him (after sitting up there for an hour) the he must go sleepie-byes by himself. He is not very happy, but as I type is settling down.

You know, I know that this may not be the ideal bed time 'routine' for kids of 3, but I enjoy sitting with them and writing stories for my little kiddies Christian book (which may actually be finished one day), or reading, or doing SUDOKU (I am a bit addicted I admit). They LOVE me staying with them until they go to sleep too, as I cherished it when I was little. SO you know, while it can be a pain in the proverbial sometimes, most of the time it is just a special quiet time for me and the small people, so its not such a bad bed to lie in after all. remember moms and dads, they grow up very fast. You will NEVER have this time with them again, this special nurturing time when they both need and WANT you to be there with them. Don't lose sight of that, even when things really get your dander up and you think... OH FOR ONE NIGHT TO MYSELF...because before you know it, you'll have all your night back, and you'll miss them, and worry about them and for them, and you'll wish they were back in their rooms snug and safe in your care upstairs... or I know I will, and it terrifies me, but they have to be their own people, and as much as I can I will support them, guide them and push them just a little when they need it, not because I want to - but because it is vital for their growth, and I love them more than I could ever express. You know the feeling.

Back to bedtimes and the LIGHTER side of it from my point of view...

Nathan (my big darling first born) decided (just before his 5th birthday) that he wanted to go to sleep in his own room and on his own terms, so we agreed - within reason - and empowered him to be responsible - within reason. SO after story time, song time and prayers, I sit with the babies, and give Nathie a big hug and kiss, and he takes himself off to his room. He has his own bedside light, and some of his toys and books, and he chooses whether to draw, try writing a message, playing with his toys (what an imagination!), reading/looking at his knowledge books or whatever until he switches off his light by himself (at around 8:00), or if he doesn’t, he gets a reminder from mom in the next room "light's out Nathie, bed time!". And you know, he may be reluctant, but he listens. He is a dear, intelligent little boy, and I love him dearly. Though most nights still he will creep into the master bed and snuggle up with a happy little sigh, and not know how he got there in the morning. but waking up to a loving cheery little 'Hi dad and mom! Wake up, it's gonna be a beeaaauuuutiful day!' is just so worth it!

AND I AM SOOO HOPING that the babies will get here soon. Well, I guess they're not babies any more, but we still call them the babies - which may be part of the problem. So I need to let go. But the cute - and possibly limiting challenge - is that ever since they were born we have called them the 'babies' - never the 'twins' as I didn't want Nathan to feel 'out of the loop', and bless him, when he wants them to play with him or has something to show them, he yells at the top of his little lungs 'Oh baaaabies! Come see what I have for YOU!'

And getting Nathan to stop calling them 'the babies' may be even more tricky than getting ME to stop... we'll see how we do eh?!

YOu know, that 'twins' thing has just brought something to mind, so I am going to start another little gem of possibly useless information to mist but maybe of use to a few expecting 2 or more in one go! (For those of you expecting triplets or more, make sure you arrange for as much support as you can before the birth, and don’t necessarily worry about getting everything new, most charity shops have GREAT stuff, that has been cared for and is clean and good quality. I had to leave a lot of my cherished twin and baby stuff in the UK for this move to Canada - a double twin pram, 3 single prams, Moses baskets, a twin moses basket, sheets, bedding, baby grows.. I kept my favourites, which were a bit holey in some cases, but just so full of memories...)

If you are struggling to find support, there are great organisations out there including TAMBA - while this Twins and Multiple Birth Association (offering advice, charitable donations etc) is in the UK, I'm sure they could point you in the direction of one in your country, or indeed possibly even be of some assistance? No harm in contacting them. Also, even if you are NOT Christian, approach your local churches, and you may be amazed at the help and support you will get. Its your choice - but don't be stupid about where you get help from at this stage - if you DON'T have it, your ARE going to have a very very very tough time.

Moms at work

You know, you get home in the evening after a day at work, you've picked up the kids, cleaned the house, fed the dog, cooked dinner, put on a load of laundry, fed the kids, washed the dishes, chased them upstairs for a bath, done the bath thing, cleaned up the water-logged bathroom floor, told someone for the 400th time that he or she must go pee BEFORE he or she gets in the bath, got them all in their jimmy-jams, onto the story blanket, read the story, the bible story, sung the kiddie bible songs, said a prayer, manged to tuck them all into bed (at least twice each), let Abby go for her ritual-after-in-bed-everynight 'I Have to go again mommy', and flopped exhaused onto the giant teddy with one leg propped on one bed (so he/she can cuddle, and one arm on the other bed (so he / she can cuddle) shouted one last 'I love you honey' to Nathan (big boy in his own room now! - well for about 2 hours until he creeps into our bed...)...

and - i just want them to go to sleep...
and then they do... and I miss them and wish they were awake....

Then I get up, get all 3 dressed, downstairs, make the oats (or oatsie-poatsies as we say in our little world), let the dog out for a wee, have juice, go upstairs and get a fresh jumpr/pants/outfit for one 2 or 3 small people - try to remember to put on a load of laundry (or it piles up terrifyingly fast), let the dog back in, close all the bedroom doors so she doesn't get on the beds (the dog), take out the garbage so she doesn;t rip the bag apart and strew rubbish all opver the house (the dog), wash the breakfast dishes, get the kids coats and shoes on, find the car keys, go out to the car, go back into the house and get dressed out of my jimmie-jams into appropriate work clothes and lose the slippers, go back to the car, go back to the house and fetch the kids, get everybody in their seat belts, answer 50 thousand questions, put on the armour of God - take all 3 into day care - sign them in, rush back to the car to go to work - happy for me time...

....get to work, see their precious little faces in the gorgeous day-care made photos in broken polystyrene egg box photo frames with sticky shells stuck on, and my heart melts and I miss them....

Last post for today...

I reckon I've done quite well!

So far today, Dave has had a great day at work and he might be off to New York soon!

We have just cleared a big horrid debt - or we think we have - waiting to hear that the check has been received so we can start saving for a house in our new home of Canada!!!

I love my job, but it can be a bit mind numbing sometimes waiting for client approval - I must say I like my clients though.

The little ones love day-care and did such cute crafts today. i got a very professional spider web drawing with a daddy spider, a big brother spider, and a mommy spider in the middle of the web with baby eggs!

Abby did a cotton wool stick on puppy which she is VERY proud of, and Josh has a brand new special stone. I'm wondering if my dad's geological gene's have not been passed to Josh who LOVES gravel, sand, stones, and shiny rocks - and will spend AGES finding them, polishing them and protectively hoarding them. .. which send Abby and Nathan into a frenzy at bedtime of finding their OWN rock, ordinary stone, river polished stone (of wich we have a bunch thanks to a clever and intuitive granny) to pop under their pillow for safe keeping for the night... yes we have teddys, but shiny special rocks and shells seem to take preference...

And my God thought for the day is this: CHILD DISCIPLINE

Proverbs 13:24
One who spares the rod hates his son, but one who loves him is careful to discipline him.

OK, so this doesn;t mean beat your children, it means DISCIPLINE them when they do something wrong or they will believe they can do what they like when they like and how they like.

HOW?
- show your displeasure in the tone of your voice

- tell them you will take them away from where they are or want to go IMMEDIATELY if they don't stop

- follow through (I have left a supermarket trolley full of food with all three kids to go back to the car to have a chat with one to enforce what I say

- follow further if required with a relevant 'punishment' - as immediate as you can make it. If they are used to a treat after the shop - no treat.

- if they misbehave at home, a sit down time-out while you carry on with normal routine which may mean No Story, No Lullaby, No desert etc

- while they are little, 'learning punishments' / lessons need to be fast activated or they miss the meaning, they need to be very applicable, and they need to be more a deprivation than a physical punishment... I know this sounds like Pavlov's formula (yes I HAVE studied Psych - along with a few other subjects...), but it has worked for me - as long as I have kept it relevant..

I am NOT saying that a solid flick on the hand, or flat hand on the bum may not be just what is needed at times. And I DO believe that trying to explain all things always is important, but sometimes little ones just want their own way , and you need to deal with it - it's your JOB mom and dad. If you don't teach them what's acceptable and what's not - who will?

I AM SAYING THAT YOU NEVER, EVER:- smack a child anywhere on his or her body or face
- smack to bruise or cause welts or bruises
- smack for fun
- smack in a temper

A very mild smack that does not mark or actually physically hurt a child will affect them if it is administered sparingly, and if it known that such a 'punishment' is as a result of 'disappointing you' or being in your 'bad books' - remember they are YOUR little people. YOU are their HERO. They crave, need and thrive on your love, affection and approval. You don't have to hurt or damage them to show your displeasure.

And you need to always show your pleasure and approval - whenever it is warranted, and don't set the boundaries too high - they're little... everything they do they think is both great and important. Support them whenever you can. TELL them you love them, appreciate them, think they are special.. you know, sometimes even let them know that you need them too - start instilling a sense of responsibility early - not a guilt complex, a loving and respectful understanding of YOU.. and if you are WRONG, for goodness sake, tell them you're sorry.

.. And if you ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit, read up on what the Bible has to say (Proverbs), and LISTEN to Him - you wont go far wrong...

Well these are all MY thoughts. I am not a child psychologist. I am not an abusive parent. My kids love me and I love them. I have apparently, according TO child experts, extremely well adapted and happy, loved and loving children. I lose my temper with 3 kids 5 and under sometimes and have to count mickey-mouse and hum 'Jesus Loves Me' to settle - which I do, but I am kind of expecting a ranting few comments if this page is ever indexed... I will endeavour with the grace of God to answer as honestly and as truthfully as I can any such comment, but I stand by what I say.

Expecting a baby? What I wish I'd known - for my preggie best friend...

... I'm so sorry I missed the baby shower....

Anyway... down to business

Right. DON'T panic. And don't take everything I say as 'THE WAY IT HAS TO BE DONE' - and yes, you will get your figure back - though mine seems to fluctuate alarmingly these days.

First, whether you are excited, worried, petrified, concerned, happy, lonely, wealthy or scraping by - you CAN & you WILL be a GREAT mom. Just take it day by day.

Every baby is different - from the minute he or she is born. I'll use the twins as an example. Josh when he arrived was the gentlest little chap. He would suckle for ages and fall asleep half way, wake up, have another suck and go back to sleep. Abby, well it was like having a vacuum attached. She would suck as hard and fast as she could, and fall asleep immediately with a 'I'm done now, leave me in peace' kind of expression. And the difference carries through to every facet of their lives. SO if anyone ever tells you exactly what to do for YOUR baby, take it with a pinch of salt. You will find out more about what your baby needs from you in the first few weeks of his or her life than any book can ever tell you - and lots of them are rubbish.

I'm not telling you not to be prepared, informed and as confident as you can be, I'm saying take it easy and let your body and your intelligence and your own natural mother instinct guide you.

What I suggest you buy for your baby - bare essentials for the first 3 months
- Moses basket

- fitted moses basket sheets (at least 2)

- light wool blankets, little ones

- lots of newborn nappies and a few premie (premature ones) as even normal weight babies can be pretty teeny

- if you are breastfeeding, the BEST thing for those nipples which are going to be more sore than you can imagine after the first 2-3 days for at least a week or 2 is breast-milk. Don't buy oils or creams - taints the taste of the milk (as do a few foods like asparagus etc - another post) and can be harmful to little ones

- warm baby-grows and summer baby grows - regardless of the weather. Have a selection.

- bum cream for nappy rash

- pacifiers (dummy's) JUST IN CASE. I couldn't have coped without them for Nathan - but didn't need them for the twins. GREAT brand of dummies/pacifiers are NUK

- for trapped air / colic in the UK there is an amazing product that saved my sanity called Infacol - worked like a charm.

- baby body cream - you know, the more natural the better. Something non-scented and non-coloured. I used aqueous. Both on them and on me. (Oh by the way, make sure you put cream on your breasts and tummy and actually everywhere while you are carrying to avoid stretchmarks. I have 3 tiny stretch marks after carrying Nathan and the twins).

- if you are NOT breastfeeding (and I stand by 'breast is best'), then explore all the options for formula thoroughly. I favoured Farleys, but check out SME, Cow and Gate, Nestle and as many as you can and decide on what works best for you.

- feeding bottles (I loved Avent)

- a steriliser for bottles and pacifiers

- plain, white, natural soap for bath and hair is enough, just keep EVERYTHING moisturised

- changing mat

- bath sponge (we bought a baby bath - Nathan screamed the first time we tried it, and we ended up using it as a wood carrier from then on and bathed him in a few inches of lovely warm water in the main bath on his sponge, and the twins too, and they LOVED bath time - still do)

- cotton wool balls and a little plastic bowl (for cleaning poos) - I moved onto scent free baby wipes with the twins as nathan was still in nappies / diapers and I couldn't manage multiple baby poos (at least 3-6 a day each) and Nathans daily delivery with cotton wool balls.. they suffered no ill side effects.

NOW SERIOUSLY MOM'S TO BE, your newborn can't see too well further than an arms length away - just enough to focus on YOUR face - God planned it perfectly, he or she can't clasp or hold anything, can't stay awake too long, and what they need most is YOU.

...be you, be gentle, be loving, be the mom you wish you had, and just go with it. Get LOTS of sleep WHENEVER you can. Sleeping when baby does is a great idea if your circumstances allow because sleeping patterns are as follows (well mine were)
- first 2-3 weeks - feed every 2-3 hours
- 4-8 weeks - feed every four hours
- 8 weeks on I started trying to schedule

WHY DIDN'T I SCHEDULE EARLIER? Ok, with one - that's possible, but for 3 weeks with twins on their independant feed and sleep timetables, I was pretty zoned. Give me a break ;-)

What I suggest you DON'T buy for your baby:
- pillows

- duvets

- teddys to sleep with (all 3 above = possible suffocation)

- bright wall colourings (too much stimulation and even less sleep and not good for small brains - my opinion)

- too many 'cleaning products' - which can exacerbate baby eczema and dry skin and cause allergies - or so I was told... danged if I can find the source now though... any help?

I'll add to this as I think of stuff or am reminded....

HOW TO PUT YOUR BABY TO SLEEP:
Right, this is a bit of a contentious issue. For thousands of years moms have slept with their babies, and not 'squashed them' - I did with the twins out of desperation, though in fear of what I had been told I DIDN'T with Nathan. What I did instead was sleep with his moses basket on the bed. Or on its stand right next to the bed at night, and with him on me during the day.

However, very salient and I believe 'POINTS TO FOLLOW ABSOLUTELY' include the following:
- don't cover baby with a heavy blanket or a duvet

- don't let baby sleep with a pillow or fluffy toys or his/her bottle

- do put baby to sleep at the BOTTOM of his or her moses basket - feeties touching the bottom

- don't smoke around baby or within an hour before going near baby - so seriously you know - give it up, at least while you're pregnant and your little one is tiny if you can't do the long haul

- don't close the door on baby without a baby monitor cranked up high (we NEVER closed the door)

- get rid of your cat/s (sorry cat lovers, but if your cat gets in the room and decides to curl up on baby, baby dies. Cat litter boxes are also very dangerous to toddlers)


Right: Clarfication points and one BIG tip:
clarification point - sterilisers
DON'T OVER STERILISE. Your little one has to develop an immune system. Be sensible, be careful and be cautious, but don't be paranoid. Your kid is going to crawl around on the floor and pop all kinds of things into his or her mouth for at least 2 years. If a dummy or bottle falls on the floor in your house and you feel it is relatively safe, then give it a suck yourself and give it back.. if you have twins or triplets you'll understand. If its your first you will shrink in horror - as I would have oif it had been Nathan... Just my opinion with some experience.

And I can mention aforesaid and current best friend here in context! I was visting my beautiful childhood home when I got together with her, and we were at a friend of her's. Nathan decided to pick something up off the floor (he was 13 months at the time - walking and trying to be very independant...) and stick it in his mouth. I didn't see or know what it was, and couldn't tell what it was by the time he got to me, so I grabbed it and stuck it in my mouth to make sure it wasn't some melted pill or bad thing... heaven knows what went through my head as it was all goopy... it turned out to be bird s**t, and my friend almost threw up...I am SOO interetsed in how she will deal with things as she is far more outdoorsey than me, and so is her little one likely to be -his or her dad-to be is pretty great too...

BIG TIP
If you don't have leather couches / setees / whatever you want to call them and you can afford to buy them, DO IT. You will NOT be able to protect agains all vomit, pee accidents, poop accidents, drool, food splatters, milk splatters and worse as they grow into toddler years, and alot of it can amazingly get through - and stain - the most colourful throws. I reckon our leather lounge suite has... well suffice it to say I should probably have paid at least 4 times what we did in terms of what it has saved us....

For moms everywhere - I hope!

Well, now I've done it... I've been meaning to start a blog for ages. This better be good you're thinking - yeah me too.

I'm hoping to blog about stuff for expectant moms, kiddie crafts (here's Christian crafts too), bedtime, quick healthy food options, discipline, dealing with sick kids and other stuff I've picked up - mostly the hard way!... that's apart from everyday joys, catastrophes, broken heirlooms and day care paraphernalia!

So who am I? Well, I'm a mom of 3. Nathan is my 5 year old boy - and my little gentleman. Joshua and Abigail are my 3 year old twins (yeah, newborn twins and a 2 and a half year was a bit tricky, but that's for another post). Josh is a studious little sunshine child, and Abby is my wilful, independant little angel. Yes, we have our moments as you will soon come to find out, but all in all they're great kids and somewhere along the line we've done something right!

We're a Christian family, so lots of the stuff on here will have a Christian slant - and if you don't like it - no worries - go somewhere else. It's the net, people, you can go where you want! But I do hope you'll stay - God works in mysterious ways!