Twins - what ticks parents and the small people off
OK, so mostly the parents get a little upset, but only when they realize, which can up to 2 years...
What am I talking about?
1. the twins birthdays - they get a JOINT birthday card and present
Anyone who has had kids or BEEN a kid should know that YOUR birthday is YOUR birthday. You want your OWN present to play with - especially if sharing is not something you are too keen to do yet, or even understand. Moms and Dads may be prepping separate albums for their little ones - what do you do - cut the card in half? If you had a brother or sister born on the same day a few years older or younger, would YOU want to share your birthday card or present? Would you have the same likes and dislikes and maybe secretly wish for the SAME thing as he or she does... I doubt it.
Twins are TWO SEPARATE INDIVIDUALS, who happen to share a mom and dad and a birthday. Don't diminish their individuality. And make sure your loved ones know this - it is probably something they won't even think about. And if money is an issue, then send 2 nice, DIFFERENT individual hand written cards with tinker toys for each one, but not a joint present - especially not for under... well just never.
2. ALL other festivals where presents are involved - Christmas, Thanksgiving, Family Day, whatever.
As above.
3. Constantly referring to them as 'THE TWINS'
Yes, they have the blessing of having a close sibling who will likely share their lives more than most of us are able to understand - but this is something they may only realise when they are far, far older. Rather call them 'babies', 'kids' or preferably by name. I called my 2 precious additions to the family 'the babies' as I already had my lovely big boy, and it was an easy form of abbreviation when explaining things about the twins to him in our every day chatter. It was Ok too, as lots of his little friends had new, relatively new or just about to be new 'babies' in their lives, but NOBODY had twins.
Calling them the 'twins' can do a number of things to their (the twins) self-perception:
- it can diminish their sense of individuality
- it can make them feel unrecognised
- it can instill a sense of difference to other kids,
... or a sense of superiority
... or a sense of inferiority
- if you have other little kids, it can make these older precious ones feel isolated, less important, they are one, and these have a group name already - a new word, they are the 'twins'. What am I? Am I special?
- if you have other kids AFTER the multiple birth, the twins may feel 'less loved' even more than an older single, it can heighten their sense of difference when you refer to my baby and 'the twins'.. do you see where I'm going?
They're KIDS, and kids take things and interpret them very often in a way that was totally unintended by the perpetrating and relatively innocent adult
My big issue is to limit any complications to the child's perception of his or her own self worth, as well as to limit any sense of isolation or rejection.
God thought for the Day
Ephesians 6:4
You fathers, don't provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
While we must teach them what is right from wrong, we must not abuse that position, not must we ignore their reasonable requests.
Listen to your kids. Trust them. Guide them. Let them be who they are within the boundaries you set - which must be reasonable and fair to them too.
If you can manage to guide them in what is right in the eyes of the Lord* and manage your discipline and love and guidance according to his precepts, and ask Him to guide you in all things, and pray for your kids and bless them constantly, and give them to HIM, your kids should end up being great, Godly, righteous, courageous, independent, strong, disciplines and responsible members of today’s rather scary world - which is what they will need to be to survive, and what the world needs to stay sane.
*So what do I believe to be right in the eyes of the Lord:
- Jesus did not come to do away with the Old Testament, He came to fulfill it, but every word written will stand to the end of time
- If you take that in conjunction with what Jesus said about righteous living, and in His sacrifice, in general I believe the answer to this lies in :
1) Following the 10 commandments:
and
2) Following Jesus commands :
Matthew 22:37-40 '37 Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
What am I talking about?
1. the twins birthdays - they get a JOINT birthday card and present
Anyone who has had kids or BEEN a kid should know that YOUR birthday is YOUR birthday. You want your OWN present to play with - especially if sharing is not something you are too keen to do yet, or even understand. Moms and Dads may be prepping separate albums for their little ones - what do you do - cut the card in half? If you had a brother or sister born on the same day a few years older or younger, would YOU want to share your birthday card or present? Would you have the same likes and dislikes and maybe secretly wish for the SAME thing as he or she does... I doubt it.
Twins are TWO SEPARATE INDIVIDUALS, who happen to share a mom and dad and a birthday. Don't diminish their individuality. And make sure your loved ones know this - it is probably something they won't even think about. And if money is an issue, then send 2 nice, DIFFERENT individual hand written cards with tinker toys for each one, but not a joint present - especially not for under... well just never.
2. ALL other festivals where presents are involved - Christmas, Thanksgiving, Family Day, whatever.
As above.
3. Constantly referring to them as 'THE TWINS'
Yes, they have the blessing of having a close sibling who will likely share their lives more than most of us are able to understand - but this is something they may only realise when they are far, far older. Rather call them 'babies', 'kids' or preferably by name. I called my 2 precious additions to the family 'the babies' as I already had my lovely big boy, and it was an easy form of abbreviation when explaining things about the twins to him in our every day chatter. It was Ok too, as lots of his little friends had new, relatively new or just about to be new 'babies' in their lives, but NOBODY had twins.
Calling them the 'twins' can do a number of things to their (the twins) self-perception:
- it can diminish their sense of individuality
- it can make them feel unrecognised
- it can instill a sense of difference to other kids,
... or a sense of superiority
... or a sense of inferiority
- if you have other little kids, it can make these older precious ones feel isolated, less important, they are one, and these have a group name already - a new word, they are the 'twins'. What am I? Am I special?
- if you have other kids AFTER the multiple birth, the twins may feel 'less loved' even more than an older single, it can heighten their sense of difference when you refer to my baby and 'the twins'.. do you see where I'm going?
They're KIDS, and kids take things and interpret them very often in a way that was totally unintended by the perpetrating and relatively innocent adult
My big issue is to limit any complications to the child's perception of his or her own self worth, as well as to limit any sense of isolation or rejection.
God thought for the Day
Ephesians 6:4
You fathers, don't provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
While we must teach them what is right from wrong, we must not abuse that position, not must we ignore their reasonable requests.
Listen to your kids. Trust them. Guide them. Let them be who they are within the boundaries you set - which must be reasonable and fair to them too.
If you can manage to guide them in what is right in the eyes of the Lord* and manage your discipline and love and guidance according to his precepts, and ask Him to guide you in all things, and pray for your kids and bless them constantly, and give them to HIM, your kids should end up being great, Godly, righteous, courageous, independent, strong, disciplines and responsible members of today’s rather scary world - which is what they will need to be to survive, and what the world needs to stay sane.
*So what do I believe to be right in the eyes of the Lord:
- Jesus did not come to do away with the Old Testament, He came to fulfill it, but every word written will stand to the end of time
- If you take that in conjunction with what Jesus said about righteous living, and in His sacrifice, in general I believe the answer to this lies in :
1) Following the 10 commandments:
and
2) Following Jesus commands :
Matthew 22:37-40 '37 Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
posted by mom at 7:41 PM
2 Comments:
Good insights....glad I stumbled onto your blog. SES....mother of two(boy 4 and girl, 3)...loving husband whom I trust and trusts me and alive relationship with Jesus Christ)
Hey Sarah and welcome! God bless and please comment as often and as much as you like!
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