Bed-time blues
OK - so I made my own bed and now I have to lie in it - I know...
When Nathan was 2, we finally moved him into his own room as I was pregnant with the twins, and assuming (in total and utter blind ignorance) that it would simply be like having 2 little Nathan's I reckoned I could cope with them in the master bedroom with Dave until they were old enough to move out (as in around 4-6 months).
Many of you will rightly disagree with this, but while my little ones are now as well behaved as one could hope for their ages, I was personally never one to 'just let them cry'. I did try it with Nathan, but my heart just broke. I know I am not supposed to over-empathize, or over-relate or whatever they call it, but seriously, I'm the child's mother, and if I don't, who will? And they were very little, and perhaps we did the wrong thing, but apart from long evenings of sitting with them until they go to sleep (most nights around 1-1.5 hours with the little ones now) - Nathan goes to sleep at around 7:30 to 8:00 every night on his own in his own room quite happy.
ANYWAY, its now well after 8 tonight, and Josh is having a good old moan, but for ONCE I told him (after sitting up there for an hour) the he must go sleepie-byes by himself. He is not very happy, but as I type is settling down.
You know, I know that this may not be the ideal bed time 'routine' for kids of 3, but I enjoy sitting with them and writing stories for my little kiddies Christian book (which may actually be finished one day), or reading, or doing SUDOKU (I am a bit addicted I admit). They LOVE me staying with them until they go to sleep too, as I cherished it when I was little. SO you know, while it can be a pain in the proverbial sometimes, most of the time it is just a special quiet time for me and the small people, so its not such a bad bed to lie in after all. remember moms and dads, they grow up very fast. You will NEVER have this time with them again, this special nurturing time when they both need and WANT you to be there with them. Don't lose sight of that, even when things really get your dander up and you think... OH FOR ONE NIGHT TO MYSELF...because before you know it, you'll have all your night back, and you'll miss them, and worry about them and for them, and you'll wish they were back in their rooms snug and safe in your care upstairs... or I know I will, and it terrifies me, but they have to be their own people, and as much as I can I will support them, guide them and push them just a little when they need it, not because I want to - but because it is vital for their growth, and I love them more than I could ever express. You know the feeling.
Back to bedtimes and the LIGHTER side of it from my point of view...
Nathan (my big darling first born) decided (just before his 5th birthday) that he wanted to go to sleep in his own room and on his own terms, so we agreed - within reason - and empowered him to be responsible - within reason. SO after story time, song time and prayers, I sit with the babies, and give Nathie a big hug and kiss, and he takes himself off to his room. He has his own bedside light, and some of his toys and books, and he chooses whether to draw, try writing a message, playing with his toys (what an imagination!), reading/looking at his knowledge books or whatever until he switches off his light by himself (at around 8:00), or if he doesn’t, he gets a reminder from mom in the next room "light's out Nathie, bed time!". And you know, he may be reluctant, but he listens. He is a dear, intelligent little boy, and I love him dearly. Though most nights still he will creep into the master bed and snuggle up with a happy little sigh, and not know how he got there in the morning. but waking up to a loving cheery little 'Hi dad and mom! Wake up, it's gonna be a beeaaauuuutiful day!' is just so worth it!
AND I AM SOOO HOPING that the babies will get here soon. Well, I guess they're not babies any more, but we still call them the babies - which may be part of the problem. So I need to let go. But the cute - and possibly limiting challenge - is that ever since they were born we have called them the 'babies' - never the 'twins' as I didn't want Nathan to feel 'out of the loop', and bless him, when he wants them to play with him or has something to show them, he yells at the top of his little lungs 'Oh baaaabies! Come see what I have for YOU!'
And getting Nathan to stop calling them 'the babies' may be even more tricky than getting ME to stop... we'll see how we do eh?!
YOu know, that 'twins' thing has just brought something to mind, so I am going to start another little gem of possibly useless information to mist but maybe of use to a few expecting 2 or more in one go! (For those of you expecting triplets or more, make sure you arrange for as much support as you can before the birth, and don’t necessarily worry about getting everything new, most charity shops have GREAT stuff, that has been cared for and is clean and good quality. I had to leave a lot of my cherished twin and baby stuff in the UK for this move to Canada - a double twin pram, 3 single prams, Moses baskets, a twin moses basket, sheets, bedding, baby grows.. I kept my favourites, which were a bit holey in some cases, but just so full of memories...)
If you are struggling to find support, there are great organisations out there including TAMBA - while this Twins and Multiple Birth Association (offering advice, charitable donations etc) is in the UK, I'm sure they could point you in the direction of one in your country, or indeed possibly even be of some assistance? No harm in contacting them. Also, even if you are NOT Christian, approach your local churches, and you may be amazed at the help and support you will get. Its your choice - but don't be stupid about where you get help from at this stage - if you DON'T have it, your ARE going to have a very very very tough time.
When Nathan was 2, we finally moved him into his own room as I was pregnant with the twins, and assuming (in total and utter blind ignorance) that it would simply be like having 2 little Nathan's I reckoned I could cope with them in the master bedroom with Dave until they were old enough to move out (as in around 4-6 months).
Many of you will rightly disagree with this, but while my little ones are now as well behaved as one could hope for their ages, I was personally never one to 'just let them cry'. I did try it with Nathan, but my heart just broke. I know I am not supposed to over-empathize, or over-relate or whatever they call it, but seriously, I'm the child's mother, and if I don't, who will? And they were very little, and perhaps we did the wrong thing, but apart from long evenings of sitting with them until they go to sleep (most nights around 1-1.5 hours with the little ones now) - Nathan goes to sleep at around 7:30 to 8:00 every night on his own in his own room quite happy.
ANYWAY, its now well after 8 tonight, and Josh is having a good old moan, but for ONCE I told him (after sitting up there for an hour) the he must go sleepie-byes by himself. He is not very happy, but as I type is settling down.
You know, I know that this may not be the ideal bed time 'routine' for kids of 3, but I enjoy sitting with them and writing stories for my little kiddies Christian book (which may actually be finished one day), or reading, or doing SUDOKU (I am a bit addicted I admit). They LOVE me staying with them until they go to sleep too, as I cherished it when I was little. SO you know, while it can be a pain in the proverbial sometimes, most of the time it is just a special quiet time for me and the small people, so its not such a bad bed to lie in after all. remember moms and dads, they grow up very fast. You will NEVER have this time with them again, this special nurturing time when they both need and WANT you to be there with them. Don't lose sight of that, even when things really get your dander up and you think... OH FOR ONE NIGHT TO MYSELF...because before you know it, you'll have all your night back, and you'll miss them, and worry about them and for them, and you'll wish they were back in their rooms snug and safe in your care upstairs... or I know I will, and it terrifies me, but they have to be their own people, and as much as I can I will support them, guide them and push them just a little when they need it, not because I want to - but because it is vital for their growth, and I love them more than I could ever express. You know the feeling.
Back to bedtimes and the LIGHTER side of it from my point of view...
Nathan (my big darling first born) decided (just before his 5th birthday) that he wanted to go to sleep in his own room and on his own terms, so we agreed - within reason - and empowered him to be responsible - within reason. SO after story time, song time and prayers, I sit with the babies, and give Nathie a big hug and kiss, and he takes himself off to his room. He has his own bedside light, and some of his toys and books, and he chooses whether to draw, try writing a message, playing with his toys (what an imagination!), reading/looking at his knowledge books or whatever until he switches off his light by himself (at around 8:00), or if he doesn’t, he gets a reminder from mom in the next room "light's out Nathie, bed time!". And you know, he may be reluctant, but he listens. He is a dear, intelligent little boy, and I love him dearly. Though most nights still he will creep into the master bed and snuggle up with a happy little sigh, and not know how he got there in the morning. but waking up to a loving cheery little 'Hi dad and mom! Wake up, it's gonna be a beeaaauuuutiful day!' is just so worth it!
AND I AM SOOO HOPING that the babies will get here soon. Well, I guess they're not babies any more, but we still call them the babies - which may be part of the problem. So I need to let go. But the cute - and possibly limiting challenge - is that ever since they were born we have called them the 'babies' - never the 'twins' as I didn't want Nathan to feel 'out of the loop', and bless him, when he wants them to play with him or has something to show them, he yells at the top of his little lungs 'Oh baaaabies! Come see what I have for YOU!'
And getting Nathan to stop calling them 'the babies' may be even more tricky than getting ME to stop... we'll see how we do eh?!
YOu know, that 'twins' thing has just brought something to mind, so I am going to start another little gem of possibly useless information to mist but maybe of use to a few expecting 2 or more in one go! (For those of you expecting triplets or more, make sure you arrange for as much support as you can before the birth, and don’t necessarily worry about getting everything new, most charity shops have GREAT stuff, that has been cared for and is clean and good quality. I had to leave a lot of my cherished twin and baby stuff in the UK for this move to Canada - a double twin pram, 3 single prams, Moses baskets, a twin moses basket, sheets, bedding, baby grows.. I kept my favourites, which were a bit holey in some cases, but just so full of memories...)
If you are struggling to find support, there are great organisations out there including TAMBA - while this Twins and Multiple Birth Association (offering advice, charitable donations etc) is in the UK, I'm sure they could point you in the direction of one in your country, or indeed possibly even be of some assistance? No harm in contacting them. Also, even if you are NOT Christian, approach your local churches, and you may be amazed at the help and support you will get. Its your choice - but don't be stupid about where you get help from at this stage - if you DON'T have it, your ARE going to have a very very very tough time.
posted by mom at 7:05 PM
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